“I’m not the mom I want to be right now. I hate this.”
My words were barely coming out as I was holding the phone tightly to my ear, venting to my husband. It took everything in me just to be honest about how I was feeling in that moment but I needed to get it out. I needed to say it. I wasn’t the mom I wanted to be. I didn’t like how stress was changing me. I felt impatient and exhausted by my kids and the amount of work they had. I hated the role I had found myself now as a remote learning mom. My joy in motherhood was feeling farther and farther away. I didn’t like who I was becoming.
March 15th of this year was the day schools changed drastically. Teachers and students forced to go virtual in the US and everyone suddenly forced into chaos, scrambling to figure out how to begin this new way of life. 2021 is on it’s way and the future with schooling is still up in the air. Our children are currently still hybrid, going fully remote for half of January, and still unsure about the future.
Remote learning has not been my cup of tea. Maybe the same is true for you. The change has been difficult for many. As much as I want things to go back to normal, I’ve had to learn to push forward and be strong. As much as I have honestly complained along the way, I do believe I’ve developed a new strength, as well as, my kiddos throughout this big change. This strength doesn’t necessarily look like physical strength though, it looks more like finding acceptance with what is happening.
As you read the book of Philippians (Chapter 4), you may notice the peace Paul has as he describes his current condition. Stuck in a jail cell, not knowing when he will get out, possibly on the verge of being killed, Paul praises God and shares his faith consistently with church plants. Even from his jail cell he writes letters to encourage others to spread the Gospel, urging them to not give up. As you read in chapter 4, you’ll find Paul accepting contentment despite his situation. He leans on God’s strength and he keeps going. Talk about a Saint!
“Notice: Christ’s strength in Paul produces something far richer than achievement; it produces contentment.”
-She Reads Truth Bible Devotional
I am encouraged by Paul. This dude is impressive. He kept going. I’m sure he experienced exhaustion and loneliness. I’m sure he didn’t know when his situation would change, if ever. I’m sure he had days of confusion and discouragement but he kept going. He decided to make peace with his position and fight.
Many of us know that contentment is: an emotional state of satisfaction that can be seen as a mental state, maybe drawn from being at ease in one’s situation, body and mind. Colloquially speaking, contentment could be a state of having accepted one’s situation and is a milder and more tentative form of happiness.
Christ’s strength produces contentment in us. In other words, I believe he gives us a mental break through to be able to see our situations through his lenses. He gives us a peace reminding us that He loves us and He will constantly be there for us.
I am not sure what you’re facing. Maybe you’re like me and you’re thankful it’s Christmas break. Maybe you are looking forward to the lofty break from remote learning. Maybe you’re struggling with something else. Maybe you’re not the mom, wife, or friend you want to be right now because life feels too hard. Maybe your job has you wound up and stressed. Whatever it may be, I pray you lean upon Christ’s strength. I don’t thinking finding contentment necessarily means we have endless amounts of joy. I think it means we make peace with our situations. We experience God’s peace and we remind ourselves every day of the TRUE things he says about us and our situations. I think it means that we find acceptance with our current realities and believe God will pull us through. I know from personal experience that his His strength will keep us afloat and contentment isn’t out of reach for anyone. These two can come hand in hand, so keep going my friend. Peace for your weary heart is possible.
“Christ’s strength In me fuels something for more significantly than my best efforts, it fuels my faith. “
– She Reads Truth Bible Devotional