“You are a team.”

I heard her words and they stuck like glue. A zoom marriage counseling call while the kids were home wasn’t ideal but her reminder was what we both needed in that moment. Things were tense. We were at odds. It didn’t feel like we were a team one bit. It felt as if I was on one side of the room and he was on the other with anger wedged between us.

It was a Friday afternoon. We had been fighting all night the night before so we scheduled an emergency counseling appointment. We needed a buffer. We needed a safe place to both air out our frustrations. We needed someone to listen to us. We were getting no where with each other. It felt like we were going in circles and the anger was intensifying. We needed wise counsel.

She shared a lot of good stuff with us but her words about being a team was what we needed to be reminded of more than anything that day. They were simple words but with a deep meaning.

How often do you fight with your spouse and quickly forget that you are a team? You quickly forget that you are team with the same goals, the same love for your family, the same foundation, and you are in this SAME marriage TOGETHER.

This year has been so hard on so many people in various ways. I think personally it’s been hard on our marriage. Robbie and I have always been proactive about counseling but this time as we dive into counseling it seems as if we are doing more digging and prodding in our marriage and learning how to better solve our conflict.

The prodding and digging sucks. It feels uncomfortable and it’s exhausting. Yet, we are choosing to grow forward rather than divide backwards.

I am not sure how this year has affected your marriage. Maybe it was hard before Covid-19 hit? Remember as things feel tense, you are a team. The enemy wants to remind us every time we fight with our spouse that it’s us verses our spouse. This is not true. God’s best is for us to be a united front, to be FOR one another and tackling this life TOGETHER.

Robbie and I got into another spat last night. As he was leaving and we made amends, he reminded me of our counselor’s words once again,

“We are a team.”

And then we prayed together. Believe me, we don’t always ends fights like this but I was thankful today didn’t end in tears and unresolved anger like it did the night before.

Choose to grow forward in your marriage. It’s going to be slow and it may be difficult at times, like pulling teeth. A united marriage is worth it though. Be intentional about talking to a counselor about your marriage. It’s okay to ask for help. Fight to stay on the same page. Remember, you are a team so fight hard for YOUR team. Don’t give up on each other.