It’s hard for me to sit and read for a long period of time but this morning as I opened up a memoir I was immediately intrigued by the first sentence and dove right in.
“I hear and I forget; I see and I remember; I write and I understand.” -Chinese Proverb
I write and I understand. I love that.
I was sharing my blog with some friends of ours the other night and afterwards I felt really self conscious about it. Even during our conversation I did what I do best and explained away all of my blog’s mishaps. I shared how it’s not updated, it probably has a thousand grammatical errors, and I mentioned how no one probably reads it.
You see, I can get really insecure when others read the things I write. It’s hard for me to talk about me. It’s a funny feeling.
Honestly, I have a deep desire to feel known and accepted by others. It’s not a bad thing because I believe this is a normal human desire but it can become a crutch when it becomes all consuming. I struggle with what others think about me and it’s something I am constantly working on. In fact, I have grown so much in this area BUT so often this struggle will get in the way of me sharing my heart and doing what I love to do and that is to write.
I have to check myself quite frequently and make sure my motives are pure and remind myself why I write. I love to write for others but I love to write for me.
I write because it helps me process life. I am a verbal processor naturally but sometimes my thoughts can come out out of my mouth like rushing wind. I ramble and try to process what I am feeling as I say it. It can seem confusing. Just ask my husband.
Yet, when I write I have the backspace bar. I can edit my thoughts and find clarity in what I am thinking with every stroke of my fingers on the keyboard or with a pen in hand.
The day after we met with our friends, the wife sent me a sweet compliment. She thought I was a phenomenal writer. Her words greatly encouraged me and I felt the nudge to read my old posts. After reading them, I felt encouraged seeing the healing process in my posts. In that moment, I vowed to myself that I would continue to be bold and write because if anything- it’s good for me.
And, maybe just maybe others see something in me that I don’t always see in myself.
I also had to ask myself, “Would I continue to write even if no one ever read my posts? Would I still do it for me? Would I still believe in me? Would I believe that the words God put inside of me are good and they glorify him?
Writing is soothing to me. It’s kind of like putting ointment on a cut and letting the healing process begin.
I want to be more bold as a writer. I know there are plenty of areas in how I can grow as a writer. I know I need to update my blog. I know that my followers are limited but writing is good for me and I want to keep doing it despite the odds.
I don’t want fear to be my stopping point.
I write because I understand.
I write because it’s a passion of mine.
I write and it helps heal the broken parts of me.
I write because it’s who I am.