It was a Thursday evening. The hospital seemed empty and it felt like we were the only ones in the entire building. I can remember squeezing my husband’s hand so tightly as we gazed through the nursery window to see our son for the first time. He had long tan legs, long toes, and brown wavy hair. The nurse was giving him his shots and bathing him as he squirmed around moving his head side to side. And then his eyes met ours.
We couldn’t look away from those beautiful brown eyes and his round nose just like his mother’s. We fell in love with him instantly. When we were first presented with his case we knew that we loved him already, but this was a type of love we never felt before.
The days following were filled with emotions that ran wild in us as we patiently waited for his mother to make her decision. “Would she keep him or give him up for adoption?”, we thought to ourselves. We genuinely prayed that she would make the best decision for her because we truly and deeply cared for her. We also prayed that God would guard our hearts along the way.
Three days went by and we saw a human being do something that we never had seen before. She gave her son a better life. She is a hero and we were in awe of the decision she made for him. It was a joyful experience adding another child to our family through adoption, but it was also an incredibly sad day for our son and his mother.
He had to lose something, in order to gain something. She had to lose something, in order to pursue a better life for herself. He had to lose knowing fully his biological family members, to gain a new family. It’s sad you know. Often times adoption can be portrayed as receiving a child wrapped up in a bow, but I just want to bring some clarity that this isn’t always the case. There is a reality of adoption that we must remember.
Children around the world will lose something (his or her biological family) in order to gain something: a forever family.
Many children are losing special moments meant to be experienced with their biological parents. Many biological parents are missing birthday parties, milestones, triumphs, recitals, football games, graduations, puberty, proms, and meaningful conversations that were meant to be experienced between them and their kids.
We live in a lost world and it’s sad at times that adoption takes place. Sometimes children don’t have a choice. Adults make stupid decisions and hurt children. It’s not always a perfect journey for birth parents and children. On the flip side because of adoption our son has a forever family. His future will look so different because of the choice his mother made. What an amazing blessing it is to see people around us step up to the plate and serve these children and parents in different ways. It’s encouraging to see those give financially and put in the effort to serve, love, support those who adopt/foster, and even choose to adopt themselves.
As I think about the reality of adoption and explain this type of loss to others, I try to always point it back to Jesus. We too were adopted. Look at Jesus. He endured a terrible and tragic death. It was his choice. He was beaten, ridiculed, mocked, and hung on a cross for our freedom through salvation. He lost his life for us to gain a new life. God lost his son. He looked away as his son’s body was beaten, hung, and taken away to a tomb all in an effort for our life to truly begin. The bible gives the best depiction of adoption in Galatians 4:4-7,
“But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.”
My heart gets anxious thinking about children who will endure the loss and time spent with their birth parents. Sometimes it’s the best choice for them and their future, but it still makes my heart hurt. I go back to this verse and I reign in on the fact that God, who we all call Abba Father has not forgotten about these children and their birth parents.
We pray that one day our son can have a healthy relationship with his biological mother and father. I pray that his birth parents are fulfilled and happy. As our son begins to ask more questions we want to continually point our son to God because we don’t have all of the answers. We don’t understand everything about this reality.
We only know that God knows and understands this kind of loss. He knows this kind of pain. He sees. He understands. He is there. He will help our son, these children and their birth parents just like he helped his son and this alone gives me hope!